There is a relatively new app in the AppStore called “Timehop” which features a cute dinosaur. Timehop gets access to your main social media outlets including Facebook, Twitter and Instagram; the app takes information from whichever outlets you have allowed it access and it shows you what you’ve posted on each site on that exact date in your social history.
Each moment can bring a mixture of emotions for each person, whether they are shown a picture of an ex or a group picture from a house party.
For me, my moments are filled with regret and shame.
A lot of victims of bullying see everyone and everything as an offender and potential threat. Over time, you learn not to trust anyone and you tend to shut yourself in causing more harm psychologically and sometimes physically.
The main way for me to deal with my mental pain was to take it out on everyone I knew. I hated everyone from my private school, even people I considered my close friends. I associated them with something negative and therefore I wanted every interaction with them on my end to be just as negative so that they could see the pain I was caused. I would write horrible Facebook statuses proclaiming my hate for them and send tweets about how even though they considered themselves as Christians, they were in fact sinners for hurting another Christian.
All I wanted to see was someone else’s life become as depressing and painful as mine was. But nothing that I wrote affected anyone besides myself. When you project hate that you have in your heart onto another person, you aren’t dealing with it; you are blaming someone else for your pain. Now, you can argue “Well if I never went to that school or talked to that person, I wouldn’t have gotten made fun of or picked on” and while that may be true, you also would have never been able to gain strength. And who’s to say it wouldn’t have happened anyways? They say things happen for a reason and maybe that reason has yet to reveal itself to you.
When you are an angry person, nothing in your life gives you pride or happiness because that anger and hate resides in your heart. There is nothing you can do to cover that darkness up unless you are ready to allow light to replace it. That light I’m referring to does not have to be religious or spiritual, in fact that light can start out to be a hobby. Something where you are taking your mind and energy off of your pain and into something that brings happiness and relaxation into your life; whether it be meditation, knitting, exercise, or reading. Having positive energy in your life will begin to break away the negative blocks.
A lot of things happen in this world and some far more important than being called fat in high school. Learning how to control and ultimately get rid of your anger is a huge step towards recovery.
Timehop is avaiable in the AppStore and on GooglePlay